I'm definitely a goofy Mom. I sing, I dance, I make stupid faces and I have the most wonderful conversations with my two year old about everything from the truck in the mud that we drive past to who the line leader was that day. We have a blast together. Even the baby is getting in on the action in the morning - laughing along with us as we get through our morning routine and off to "school" (or whatever you anti-daycare-ers call it).
Most days are relatively smooth-sailing and we get in some good time both before and after school to talk, be silly and connect. Love it.
What I'm not loving right now is the travel for work. Not my work, mind you, but the husband's. It's not that he travels an overwhelming amount - at least not in my mind. In the wee one's mind, however, it's a different story.
During our bedtime routine at 6:00, if Dad has not made an appearance, our prayers have something about Daddy being safe on the airplane somewhere in there - even if he's simply not home from the office yet. It's bedtime and Daddy's not there yet - he must be away.
It makes my husband feel awful and my life that much harder. Once my little man thinks that Dad's been gone - forget it. That kid sure can hold a grudge. Honestly - it's ridiculous. His poor future wife ....
"NO DADDY! MOMMY do it." and "BAD DADDY" are the latest installments to the wee one's vocab. My husband's feelings are hurt, my son is feeling angry and sad and I wind up trying to juggle everything, even though my sweet and usually helpful husband is physically sitting right next to us! It's maddening.
We've already discussed "mommy guilt" when it comes to travel - but what about when it's the Dad that's on the road and you're the one there to pick up the pieces? Got any little tips on how to make the transition smooth or to help with re-entry? What about your own sanity and balance?
Our morning routines when my husband is away are not as fun and silly, they're more rushed and often I'm lucky if I can remember to get the dog outside before I've gotten everyone in the car to start the day. My goal is to keep my sanity, have the kids start their days with laughter and smiles and to get myself to work feeling relaxed and calm.
My husband's next trip is coming up shortly. It's time for me to look at what I've been doing and what we can do as a couple to make things easier for our family.
October 21, 2009 5:16 PM | Reply
I think ALL little kids try to see what control they have, especially when there is something unwanted happening that is outside of his/her control. He doesn't like Daddy being away so he's going to see how much he can control Daddy. Even if it seems like he's pushing Daddy away, that's not what he wants as an end result. In all liklihood,it's just the opposite. If I say "NO DADDY" does Daddy stop? Hm...that means I can still get Dad to do what I want...
That said, you don't want your child's "control" to excert itself in negative ways. SOoooooooo, you don't give in to it. Instead give choices and manage the control that your little guy has. For example. "Daddy is going to put you to bed tonite. Do you want him to read this book or that book tonite?" If the kid throws a fit, respond like "Oh, you must not want Dad to read ANY story tonite....because behavior like that doesn't get rewards like these great books that he was hoping to read"....yadayadayda. The issue is no longer Mommy or Daddy but book A or B and yet he's had the satisfaction of knowing that he's "in charge" of his little world in some way!
If it wasn't the business trip, it would be something else...don't let the kids dish out guilty feelings. If you start, there will ALWAYS be an endless supply!
NOW--- if you figure out a way to manage the workload of doing BOTH parents jobs during the absences without exhausting yourself, TELL ME! But then again, maybe we don't want that either. If it doesn't seem too different than normal then that might mean he wasn't doing his fair share on a normal week ;)
October 21, 2009 9:25 PM | Reply
Your story really pulls at the heartstrings! I'm thinking about the anger/confusion your little one feels and the effect it must have on your hubby, too. No fun at all! As the author of a children's book written espressly to deal with this issue, My Mommy's on a Business Trip (www.mommytrip.com), I've talked to parents across the country about how to make trips easier on kids. The biggest/quickest tip that might help you with upcoming trips is to start planning things your child loves to do and then save one or two to do only while Dad's away. Start to turn Dad's trip into a special, fun time with mommy. Perhaps it's "camping" in the living room, a special play date, a fun project - whatever you're up for given your extra busy schedule while Dad's gone - and repeat it each trip so it really becomes a treat to look forward to. If the kids feel OK when Dad leaves, chance are they'll be OK when Dad comes home.