While very often it's the lack of structure, the lure of decadent dishes or the appeal of new surroundings that encourage weight gain when we travel, have you considered that there may be reasons why you're purposely keeping excess weight...on?
If you're unhappy with your body it may seem that weight loss is something you want, but sometimes when taking a closer look you find that there's an important reason why you've chosen to keep that excess weight exactly where it is-whether you're aware of it or not. Here are a few of them:
Let's start with the basics. Say you are stressed, frustrated, angry, sad, lonely, tired or depressed. You want to feel better and you find yourself mindlessly reaching for food. You eat quickly, paying little attention to the type of food or how much you're eating. At some point, what you've just done registers physically, mentally and emotionally. You feel angry and frustrated with yourself but there are a few things going on here.
First, you're trying to find a fast, easy way to self soothe which is quick, easy, accessible and doesn't require any thought or pre planning. It temporarily numbs the pain, calms the anxiety, reduces the anger, keeps the fear down and provides a temporary distraction so you don't have to evaluate, fix or solve the real problem. Yes it keeps you overweight, but it also provides an opportunity to remove yourself from feeling, thinking and dealing with your fears, doubts and insecurities. You may even be unaware that you do this or you may not know why you've chosen this coping strategy. What you do know however is that this approach leaves you overweight and unhappy. There are many reasons why we may eat this way, ranging from staying with conditioned behaviors we were taught to having poor coping skills or outlets to help us handle our problems and ourselves in a more effective way. Here are some other reasons we keep weight on.
Weight provides a protective barrier. Remember when you hid behind your mom's leg when you were scared? Our extra layers of weight may be providing that same security. For many, losing weight may leave us feeling insecure or uncertain because our role may change once the weight is lost. Expectations by others and ourselves may change as a result of weight loss success and we may feel that we are expected to accomplish more, perform or behave differently as a result. This feeling can generate fear and it may seem easier to stay with what is familiar than to venture into the unknown.
The extra weight also keeps us out of the game of life, giving us an excuse to avoid something rather than risk failure. With the weight, you may justify being rejected, overlooked or disregarded as being a result of the excess weight rather than deal with the pain of not being liked, wanted or valued.
Yet another reason why we may keep the weight on is to stand our ground. Maybe you dislike your husband's, partner's, parent's or coworker's comments, criticism or judgment about your weight. Keeping the weight on may be your passive/aggressive way of talking back.
For some of us, preparing, cooking and eating (high fat, high calorie, large portion) meals together may be an important activity you share with a partner. In an effort to maintain this connection, you maintain the excess weight. Speaking of partners, many women may also keep excess weight on because they don't want to "rock the boat" with a partner who may feel threatened, intimidated or insecure with their partner's weight loss. In this case, extra weight is maintained to prevent changes within the relationship.
It takes some real soul searching to look deep within and try to understand what the excess weight provides. Does it provide security, protection, an excuse to avoid a perceived failure? Whatever the reason, it's important to discover and understand why you've chosen to keep the weight on. Now see if you're trying to punish anyone other than yourself, if it's rational and worthy of continuing. If you discover something traumatizing or it feels too difficult for you to handle alone, get the help and support you need to get you through. By uncovering the reason for your weight, you're taking the first step to doing anything to change it.
Excess weight is an outward sign that something is going on inside. For many women, excess weight provides nothing more than a lack of energy, frustration and larger clothes. For others however, the excess weight provides much more. It's up to you to determine what the extra weight is providing and if it's worth keeping it there.
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